I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
