everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
