Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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