When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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