Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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