Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
