You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
