You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Your cock deserves a montage
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My life is pants optional.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
