ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
