be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
