What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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