I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
