if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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