So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize