Little spoons don't ask big questions
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
