i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
