The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
