i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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