Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
