Where did you get a picture of my penis
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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