Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
