I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
