On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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