so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
