I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
