doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
