Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You are a genius and a whore.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
