Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
