your parents love me but you hate me
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
