he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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