none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
