Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
