Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
