woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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