Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
