I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
