Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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