I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
