I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
