Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
