i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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