Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
