I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
