You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
