Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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