The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
