a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
