you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
