It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
