its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
pray to the hookup gods
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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