It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
it's great music for shaving your balls
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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