i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
