If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
