I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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