my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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