Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
