Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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