Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
