ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
