She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
