i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Everclear isn't food dammit
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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