Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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