I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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