Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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