I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
