i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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