i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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