Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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