the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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