i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
