My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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