I cannot find my penis.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
