I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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