Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
