thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
