I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
