Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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