The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
