I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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