Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
