she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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