you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
