yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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