based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
