We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
