She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
