In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
